Changes in libido and our ability to experience pleasure and orgasm are common after a termination. Often, these changes are caused by conscious or unconscious emotions related to the experience which then impact us on a physical level. The source may be shame, anger, fear of getting pregnant again, mistrusting our bodies etc.
More than a quick answer on here, we would definitely suggest booking a few sessions with Zachi, or even our pals over at Ferly.
For now though, here are four exercises that you can try to reduce the stress and connect compassionately with yourself, starting from a very sensual (not-sexual) place:
1. Practice sensuality in your everyday life through a mixture of observation and action to gently connect with your body. Both can be effective in moving away from a flight, fight or freeze state to a state of rest, restoration, calm and pleasure. For example, an observation could be noticing how the water feels on your skin in the shower and an action could be making a cup of tea because you enjoy the aroma of the tea and feeling of warmth in your hands.
2. Take time to breathe and during these moments, check in with your body. How does your body feel as a whole? How do specific parts of your body feel? Where do you hold tension?
3. Whilst in a comfy position, and without any touch or penetration, start to engage with your sexual thoughts and desires. Explore what they look like, let your mind wander. Be aware of any changes in your body. How does this make you feel?
4. Use touch to stimulate erogenous zones in your body which aren’t your genitals - you may discover new ones or wish to explore existing ones. This may be your nipples, ears, back, elbows etc. Experiment with different types of touch too (play with temperature, pressure, speed), creating a very physical experience which can help you stay present. Focus on connecting with your yourself, the sensation and pleasure rather than reaching orgasm.
Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Frustrating advice we know, but this is (from experience) the best place to start.
